Shifting Bad Feelings

Advancing Awareness
To Get More Love In Your Life
The Psychology, Technology, Neuroscience and Spirituality of
Reducing Unhappiness by Becoming Progressively Loving

Shifting Unnecessary, Unwanted Feelings !Think Well!

Practice 3

How to Use The III Contemplative Questions to Shift Negative Feelings to Positive Lovingness.

Shift Feelings from Brain Wander or
Feelings that are Exaggerated for the Current Situation.

Having negative feelings are very important when they provide guiding information and motivation to do what you need to do for yourself. But there are many negative feelings that come from survival based Brain Wander or insecurities which are unneeded because they are based on distortions of reality, such as being uncomfortably self critical in social situations.

So the most common feelings which are worthy of shifting are insecurities, worry and perceived threats. These are usually unhealthy feelings, often contributing to fatigue and illness and relationship problems. These are feelings that you are better off without. These are feelings that should be shifted to a more positive feeling, but only after acknowledging that this feeling has occurred. It is best to never completely avoid a feeling.

And here is the basic rule of thumb about feelings. Few people can stop their emotional reactions to situations happening around them. We are programmed to react to our environment, based on our life history. However, after having your reaction, you then become responsible in determining how you want to handle the feeling. You should determine if the feeling is appropriate in intensity, should I even be having this reaction, what action should I take now that I am experiencing this emotional reaction. After the reaction, you are responsible for how you deal with the ongoing feeling. The reactive feeling usually last less than 30 seconds.

Each one should at least be recognized and labeled (saying to yourself: “I’m feeling this sadness . . . fright . . . anger, right now”. Shame shows up as – “I’m stupid . . . wrong . . . bad, etc.” At least, acknowledge such feelings inside your mind to yourself, as a means of helping the feeling discharge from your body. If you know you have specific patterns which bring up unnecessary negative feelings, such as specific unproductive worries, you can recognize such feelings but then shift these feelings as soon as possible. The longer you let yourself dwell in negative thinking and the more you feel them physically, the harder they will be to shift.

If you regularly have consistent painful body responses to certain feelings, it may be that these feelings started as early as infancy when our unresolved painful memories are stored without words and manifest in the body as pain, tightness, clenching, burning. You might greatly benefit from a therapist who is knowledgeable with using somatic (body) therapies to address infancy issues. Many EMDR therapists will know how to help you resolve these conditions, but always ask specifically if the therapist knows how to do such work and listen for a knowledgeable, consistent, logical approach.

You are likely to be familiar with certain repeating feelings which you know are unrealistic or inappropriate. It is time to break that repeating pattern. If you need to figure it out more accurately you can use some self questioning to help determine if a specific feeling is important or unnecessary.

To help determine the significance of a feeling, that is, if you should use the feeling to guide your future behavior or if the feeling is coming from insecurities or false information and should thusly be shifted, you can ask yourself the following. For shame: “What would a really good mother tell me right now?” For fear: “Is there any real danger around me right now?” For anger: “Am I really so hurt that this person deserves all this anger? Did they intend to do it?” For sadness: “Am I sad because I have really lost something important?” If your answers actually make you wonder about the validity or significance of your feelings, then it is probably a feeling that comes from your self distortion rather than a pure response to reality.

After you do a quick self evaluation to determine the significance of the feeling, if you conclude that you don’t need this feeling, then you can shift it. Do the following with the 3 Contemplative Questions:

First, mention “BILAMAP” to yourself, reminding yourself of your intention to be as loving as possible. It always helps the brain to shift if it knows the intention.

Then, use one of the III concepts of Love, Amazement or Gratefulness to recognize the current feeling. And then, use the other two concepts to shift the feeling to the positiveness and love that you have inside of yourself.

So, for example, if you realize that you are feeling bad about yourself, you could think the following series of thoughts. “I am amazed at what I learned to think about myself from my friends . . . father . . . mother. I am grateful for the friends that I have who don’t see me this way. I love when my friends really understand me and want to be close with me.”

Example 2. If you are overly angry, you could think to yourself, “I am really amazed by the sense of power and control that my anger gives me. And I am grateful that I do not always need to feel or use this anger. I love how I can calm myself down by seeing the situation more clearly.”

Example 3. During Brain Wander you are thinking about how much work you need to do and you begin to feel fearful. “I am amazed at how my mind picks up such information and tries to protect and warn me. I am grateful that I don’t have to worry about the work because I really can’t work on anything more until tomorrow. I love that I have a job that I enjoy most of the time.”

Once you feel a shift of the feeling to a feeling that is different or reduced, you can also continue to use the III Contemplative Questions in there original format, focusing your awareness on what you love, what you are grateful for and what amazes you.

Learning to handle your own feelings can be a challenge at first, like any new learning. It is not always easy to look inside of yourself and ask sensitive questions about your emotional life. But once you spend some time practicing, it will become progressively easier and more and more rewarding, as you find yourself feeling happier, calmer and more loving.

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